Bethgram
Bethgram
I am officially celebrating two years of being an ARTIST!
This is what I know!
1.I'm grateful every day that I get to stay home and paint.
2. Taking online classes is very frustrating for me. They are just going to teach me how to do their art. And since it's not my art it's difficult.
4. I take a couple classes a year to learn techniques—like what brushes to use or how to paint a flower. I take classes to learn skills. Not to learn how to make someone else's art.
3. I had to make a bunch of bad art and then some okay art to get to the (I hope) good art. Someday, I'll get to the great art!
4. My art improved when I started focusing on my art process and practice. Creativity is just like cooking, playing a sport, or anything you want to learn. You have a unique process, and it takes practice.(this is a hill I will die on!)
5. It was a good decision to pick 9 colors and stick with them.
6. I paint a simple floral most days as my 'painting of the day.'POTD This is the heart of my art practice.
7. Selling my art doesn't motivate me. What motivates me is showing up almost every day to be creative and paint flowers with my colors (hello, dopamine!). I've recently added writing to my art, giving me a voice to tell my truth. I'm also motivated by learning new things. Organizing my collections, having fun naming my paintings, and telling the stories behind my paintings.
8. I love giving away my art! I give away at least one painting every month. I also do free art drops, leaving pieces in random public places for people to find.
9.A bit of advice I got actually worked! It was to "keep painting and you'll find your creative voice." To my surprise, it's absolutely true!
10.I don't need everyone to like my art, just the right people. I will keep doing what I LOVE!
The past two years have been a solid start. In year three I'm really excited to keep building on what I've learned! My path is clear and all mine, and I'm so excited to keep painting, learning, and finding the beauty in the process. Thanks for being here with me and for all the support!
LOVE, Beth
Meet Lois, formerly known as Lucy! In a record-breaking, zero-dollars Facebook deal that took only 43 minutes. We picked her up just 2.5 hours later, and she is settling in amazingly well. I just want to give a shout-out to the Cat Distribution System for hearing the cries from my nervous system—I already feel better!
August is my most depressing month! June still feels like spring, and July is the only summer month I really need. August has always been a problem for me, and I'm just over the heat and the sun and the constant need for fans and AC. I try to have a good attitude, but by August 5th, I've pretty much closed all the windows, cranked the AC to 72, and gone into full hibernation mode. All I want are long sleeves, cozy sweatpants, a blanket, and a good excuse to stay home.
Things I am going to remember for August 2026
Radical acceptance this burning in hell wont last forever
Go outside in the morning
Buy new pajamas for lots of Pajama days!
Make home salad bar
Doctor appointments
Eat ice cream and yogurt for dinner
Work on a big craft/art project
“Fall” cleaning, dust the books shelves, rearrange furniture, and cozy up the apartment.
What would you add to this list?
comments!!!!
I tried getting out early but I’m a night owl so it’s hard to do!
But I think surrender is the perfect idea. Cool drinks,bonbons while I lounge in the cool and read. I’ll see you there!~ Kit
Getting to the doctor for my depression is always one of the hardest things I do. I know the signs, and I know I'll feel better, but my brain always tells me I'm fine when I'm clearly not.It's a wild ride that I don't think this is talked about enough, and I totally get why—I'd rather be talking about pretty much anything else.
I definitely did not have Iggy dying and me falling into a depression on my 2025 bingo card. Since she died on July 23rd, I've been crying several times a day. The other sighs- feeling completely flat, not excited about anything, not wanting to do a damn thing. My stomach is constantly upset, and I'm tired but can't sleep. THEN! I made a doctor's appointment and now I have to wait two weeks. My brain ruminating about that appointment for a full two weeks is its own special kind of hell. My appointment was Tuesday. The relief I feel is enormous! Now I have a Taylor Swift song lyrics “ I am doing good I’m on some new shit” I am thinking of it as an anthem for moving forward. A BONUS is all my new pajamas are the perfect uniform for this kind of mood!
comments!!!!!!!
Maybe new Jammies would help me too!!- Abby
She doesn't know it yet but this will be the last photo of this studio.
After this picture was taken, everything changed. I had no idea the SHit storm that was coming! My cat died, and we were hit with $5,000 in car repairs. The cabin I'd booked to escape the apartment was cut short by a storm that took out the power for two days, so we checked into a Holiday Inn Express. We realized we were not in the state of mind to travel, so we canceled our Lake Michigan summer vacation.
Grieving for Iggy, I was desperate for a change of scenery. I set up my balcony into a temporary studio and painted there for two weeks.
This Led to me asking Mick if we could turn the Study into a Studio again. MUCH TO MY SURPRISE he said YES!!!!!
A space with great light, a DOOR!, and a window looking at a crab apple tree and lots of birds, and a day bed to take a little nap. A great improvement from a parking lot and the same two fucking people smoking all day 50 feet from my balcony. But I digress. The Studio feels a little bit the same and a fresh start. Maybe it did all work out after all! Except my cat is still dead. That didn't work out at all!
Agatha lives in a mansion and is spoiled rotten with luxuries like gourmet snacks, a plush heated bed, and a personal butler who fluffs her pillows.
The last painting I did 2 days before Iggy died. Painting it was an escape from what I knew was coming.
One month later, I'm a fucking mess. The truth is, there's no going back to the comfortable place I knew. My grief is so big it's giving me panic attacks again, the same feeling I had during the estrangement before EMDR. I'm starting to realize it's not all about Iggy dying; it's all the grief I couldn't process until now.
also Not helping is Mick's endless vacation tour. For me to survive and maybe even thrive, I need days and days of solitude. I just got to spend two days alone while he was at the cabin. I hope this is the start of me feeling better.
July After three trips up north to Cove Point this spring, I decided to stay home and paint for eight weeks. I painted for 3-4 hours a day, and like always,Iggy was right there with me! I really improved my process. I ended up with some solid paintings, and I'm super glad I did it.
In July, I started noticing Iggy slowing down. Even though she was 18, it still broke my heart to see. Every night, I'd tell her I was grateful for another day with her. As she got weaker, that turned into "I'm grateful for another day, but if you need to go, I'll be okay”
I pretty much threw everything at the wall to see if anything would help Iggy feel better. Some days it worked, and then the next it just wouldn't. It was confusing and sad and kinda awful.
Looking back, June and July were all about trying to hold onto every last moment with Iggy while finding a way to cope through my art. It was hard, but it was real. And I am forever grateful.
June~ I laughed, I cried, I didn't eat tacos. I don't even like tacos that much. Instead, I ate pizza, which I love. I spent time organizing my closets, art studio, and thoughts. I stayed home, picked up my paintbrush, put on a 90s playlist, and remembered summer is not the time to soul search. It's time to have some fun!
MAY—I laughed, I cried, I ate tacos. I realized no one was coming to make me feel worthy. I decided I was worthy just by being human. And I believe it! I dried my tears and got on with it. I asked my friend, “Why is life so f***ing weird?” She said, “I think that might be the point: how we navigate through the weird and the wonderful,how we remain human and become better through all the pain and the heartache.” And I believe it!
April~ I laughed, I cried, I ate tacos, I used my library card, I drank coffee, I laughed at the absurdity of life. I showed up to paint flowers every day despite wanting to quit, and it was hard! But you can’t quit who you are. Trust me; I have tried!
Epilogue: I made progress in finding my creative voice, and now I want to paint again!
Remember your favorite colors when you were a kid? The ones that filled you with pure joy and wonder. I can still picture the vivid purples and oranges that brightened my childhood days in the 1970s.
It’s as if we each have a unique color wheel within us, our own personal palette that brings up emotions and memories. These colors, like old friends, comfort and inspire. They can spark our creativity, calm our anxieties, or simply bring a smile to our faces.
March~I laughed, I cried, I ate tacos, and I felt scared, but remembered I am safe. I thought a lot about four years ago, when I called Hazleton because I needed help, never picturing Zoom IOP from my pantry, a self-imposed shame cave. Then, the diagnoses: PTSD and CPTSD. I wanted to disappear. My treatment plan stated, 'I've lost my place in the world.' Now, I realize I have made it back to life. I launched my website, telling the world: I am here! I am well, I have healed, I have created a completely new life. I laughed at the absurdity of life, I worked on my marriage, I sat in the sun on 50-degree days with my cat, I painted flowers in my pajamas, I tried to be a good friend, and I watched period dramas while embroidering. I healed a little more. I went up north to our favorite place, Cove Point. Sitting on the couch, listening to the waves, I'm writing a gratitude list and thinking about what I want to do in April.
Xoxoxoxo, BE"
February~I laughed, I cried, I ate tacos, I spent 5 days in FLorida, I rage screamed in my car, I went to the car mechanic 3 damn times, I worked on my website, I had a anxiety attack, I started ALANON again, I had a wonderful conversation with my kid who talks to me, I walked on my walking pad everyday! I slept through the night, I might not of over text anyone!!!! I drank hella lots of coffee, I had 12 no spending day(yes! I keep track), I said “Nope not anymore”, I ate good food, I crafted more then I painted. I watched Effy Gray, The Empress, the Education, Captured the Castle (loved all 4) I stayed sober, I hopefully helped someone else stay sober. I loved my Cat, I watched LESS TIKTOK, I stayed HOME, I laughed at the absurdity of life. Sounds like a good month! What did you do in February?
Wow, 2023 was a wild year for me. We sold our house of 20 years and moved into a 900-square-foot apartment in Stillwater, MN. On top of that, my C-PTSD was so bad I just kept walking out of jobs. I'd literally be at the door and just keep on going. After the third time, Mick finally said, 'Why don't you just take a break from working for a while?' I wasn't sure about it. I mean, I'd always had a job I hated, and somehow, that's what made me happy to come home. I decided to give it a go. It might sound like a dream, but it wasn't easy. Painting flowers made me happy, so I did that for three hours every day. To pay for my art supplies, I filled out online surveys. The day I got my first big box of art supplies was amazing. As my painting improved, so did my life. My C-PTSD symptoms lessened, and I could finally sleep and breathe again. I processed a million different thoughts while I painted. I decided to keep painting and learning, and our new apartment became an art studio!